This has been something I have constantly annoyed myself with. I get so worked up thinking about it, doing it and watching it fall in literal embarrassment. It has nothing to do with other people. It is all on me. I, Marianne Joy Leano, am really bad at anything conversation related.
I am so bad when it comes to the idea of conversations. For example, if I came into a room and saw a familiar face - I would acknowledge them with a wave and smirk. That is it. I would literally do nothing else but that. Of course I could start a conversation - but I never do. No matter how much I want to ask, "How is your day?" and all the polite jabber, it never leaves my lips. I then get so frustrated with myself because I do not understand what type of angle I am trying to go for. So, fun fact, I will never start conversations. I am trying to improve on it... but improvement is still miles away. Hopefully one day I will grow confidence to be as outgoing.
Talking about confidence, many people would think I am very outgoing and good at conversations because of what they see. What do they see? They see me when I am most confident and that is when I am on stage. Whether it is singing or "acting out", I am literally my own hero at that moment. I am totally a different person and I forget about all the nerves and anxiousness and just do me. But my mindset is not like that all the time. Especially when it comes to public speaking.
Public speaking anything. I am no good at it. I dislike talking in front of people, doing presentations, or even being a person within a group that is speaking... I can never sound right. My mouth speaks faster than my mind can keep up, I stutter many times, I run out of breath and I sound like an anxious monkey! Of course I realize what is going on, but I never know what to do to keep it nice and steady. I never know how to calm myself down.
But on the bright side, the only way I can be myself and make it less awkward... I try my best to make people laugh. When I hear people laugh, it makes me happy. It is like a sound of joy that rings in my ears. When I can not speak right - I spit out a joke. It make take the conversation to a whole different topic - but if it gives me some time to relax for just seconds, I am totally fine with that.
What is your pet peeve about yourself? Write it in the comments below!
Love,
Mari J Leano
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