3/365 only time will tell

Time.  At this point of my life, time is catching up to me.  I did not know time could play such a huge role in my life.  I did not know time could determine my future.  I did not know time could be of the essence.

My father is excited to go to Missouri.  He has told everyone in his sight that his eldest daughter is going to graduate from college!  He is proud to by my father and is ecstatic about being there, in the stadium during my ceremony to see me receive the long awaited diploma that can help out his baby girl's future.

It is sad though.  While he is already having pre-celebration jitters, I am on the other end worrying if that may all go away.  Just because of one thing I have not entailed to do so soon: come out to him.

My father is very over-protective, close minded, and needs a lot of time before he can accept facts.  He is not usually the type to "change his ways" unless something extreme, mentally or physically, happens to him.  For example, he was an alcoholic through majority of my childhood and teen life.  The only way he stopped drinking was finding out he had liver cancer.  That is when he stopped.  He remained an alcoholic until time was up & his liver gave out.  Bless him, time is still on his side to be able to continue his life on earth.

My father was never fond of Melissa or my same-sex relationship.  How do I know?  Because he has taken every sentimental note, letter, or creative art she has ever made for me.  I did not hide it good enough because now in that spot I have hid it - it is gone.  And I know he is the very person to rage in fury, be confused, mad, and entitled to have things like that, things that showed me her love - to be thrown away.  He took moments of time that made me happy.  But I forgave him for that.  I will always forgive him.

Time has given him a moment to see who I really am - but he did not accept.  That is really what the proposition is.  But I have to give him time.  I have to be patient with time.  I have to watch and see what comes up next.

And this is it.  This is what is next.  My father will be coming to Missouri, entering the new loft, and will finally see that all his known thoughts about me living alone with two cats, was a lie.  Time will bring the truth.  So in my case, I have to fast forward time and let him know that I am gay, living with my girlfriend of seven years.

How will that turn out?  Hopefully me telling him before hand, will let me know how he really feels about everything.  I hope, since the last time he has encountered me and Melissa - that time has made its tracks and hopefully helped him ease into the fact that we are together.  I hope that from the moment I tell him up until graduation - time will help him understand how happy I am.  And I hope by the moment of graduation, time will bring us altogether to celebrate:  my dad, my girlfriend & me - all that I have ever wanted in life.

Only time will tell.

Love,
Mari J Leano