5/365 anxiety about the future

I always catch myself worrying about the future in certain moments of my life.  For 2017, today is the first time I was anxious about the future.

I have so many options to do anything after graduation but I feel like, at any given moment I am thinking about it - it has to be set and stone.  But it is not because I still have a lot to do before the future becomes the present.

I dislike thinking about the future.  In order for me to ease myself into the process of the future, I have to write out and set my priorities straight to meet that certain goal I continuously am anxious about.  For example, what gets me anxious about the future is this question, "Am I actually meant to become a doctor?"

I have read many success storied about medical doctors and students... and they usually all say the same thing - if this is what I want, I will do anything in my favor to achieve it.  Preparing for the MCAT and getting the score they want is usually what they like to describe as frustrating.  And I agree, I have not even started studying for it, but I am already getting frustrated over the fact of whether or not I should take classes to study in the summer or closer to the study date, which is January 2018.

With my final decision of taking a break from school, I am not getting anxious about finding a job after graduation because I need the money, I need the support!  So to make that my priority I just applied to numerous internships and entry level jobs... at Monsanto lol.  Hopefully, for one of them - they will take me in.

The MCAT makes my future so frustrating, but for some odd reason I am willing to continue to pursue it.

Many may ask, "What happened to being a Biomedical Engineer?"  Good question!  My advisor, also my physics professor told me I should look into other careers I will be good in.  She wants me to be successful, and based on my physics grades (B-/C) she does not believe I will be successful as an engineer.  She believed I would do well in Biotechnology - just because I do a lot with that related topic for my work study.  So I took her advice and decided to become a doctor.

I'm still trying to figure out which one I want to pursue, MD or DO... hopefully I'll let you know in another post what I have chosen.

This post sounds all over the place, exactly like my thought process to get to medical school.  I can do it.  I can become a doctor.

Love,
Mari J Leano